Thursday, November 09, 2006
geez, its been two weeks since i blogged, oh well. working has been tough but very occupying and im wondering if i should continue with it after so much is happening right now. i
thought friends were drifting away from me, i felt their reluctance worst of all i felt one of thier hatred, the coldness i never expected coming. worst still i didnt do anything about it, i proberbly irritated them and to one of them, brought our friendship to neutriality...its not normal from very good friends to neutriality leaning on the enemy side. just when i was wanting to hang out with them, i felt thier reluctance, stronger than ever. well in the end he gave me a good reason so i agreed not to go. but during the convasation i wanted to say "ever since that time when i spilled the beans, you guys are abandoning me, drift..." before i could finish that line in my head, i realised how selfish i was. how stupid of me to only vy for attention. raising my voice for no reasons etc etc. now the results has showed. regrets is all thats left inside my head now. wanted to celebrate my birthday with that person, wanted go through difficult times with that person, most of all i wanted to celebrate christmas with that person. now it seems that my hopes are dashed. and i was stupid enough to do all that which is useless just to realise that i can't feel no more. i can neither feel sorrow nor pain, neither hatred nor love. i cant feel at all.